Untitled by Máire Finnigan

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I watched the smiles on others faces

I painted my own

 

I heard the songs they sang

I sang with them

 

I saw the looks that they got

I didn't get the same

 

I was so close

Yet so far

I needed so many things

 

I needed the hair,

I needed the face,

I needed the body,

 

I needed to make my self anew

 

I tried and tried

And tried still

 

Yet I knew it was only a layer on top

I was underneath

 

Choking on expectations

Gasping for light

Breathing somebody else’s air

 

I painted my smile on

 

~

 

I needed it gone

I needed to get away from it

 

I needed it out of my brain 

And out of my life

 

All it did was create pain

It consumed me

 

It was all I thought about

All I saw

 

But if I cut it out of my life

I would bleed to death

 

~ 

 

nobody

 

needed

to know

the 

pain i

was

in,

 

or to

 

know

how

 

confused

i

 

was.

 

my

life

 

was

 

in shambles,

 

but i

 

hid it

 

with

smiles,

 

and just pretended i was ok.